Now a Hint

my darling never having had you
how can I lose you
when I say to myself in a huddle 
I lost her
it's a recollection 
from another life
you become the span of connection
and surely the fever of then to now
a clue then a choice
but choosing is gone past here
in the stir and cut

now a hint of this love
told and retold
angelic dysanglic bad news good news 
then hope the telegift sent

in the other years there were others
who called me able and capable 
in the crisis I called 
they answered  
there was no dodging 
come to me 
angel dolphin fish
I loved them then 
denied after
always no to me
never loved 
was a lie
the spit of passion
not love's convection

so long I ran
the waiting spy
boy was I tired
so long god
and passed out

I have to go now

give me the blankets

 It's from the second part of the book which is
called Undisplayed Spaces

 Here is a poem from my first published book (1984)__ (way back a thousand years ago, in 1984  ~  I don't think I've made any revisions on it except when  performing . Then one changes things around... it's fun because then the text rewrites itself according to the occasion.
it seems I may have balled upsome of the lines and forgotten one or two  ~